My Diary

Since having bought Nate's PS5, I have quite enjoyed my time with it.

I have been playing lots of The Last of Us 2, Silent Hill 2 (The Remake), as well as a game which I bought two nights ago--Stellar Blade.

Stellar Blade is essentially a 'sexy' game as the character whom you play as is deliberately proportioned as well as presented in that way, and I suppose that's why I bought it, but to be sure, I had also seen quite a bit of gameplay of it since watching the SirLarr stream on Twitch, and the reason I even mention the game in this entry, I suppose, is because its gameplay actually drew me in quite dramatically. Sure, I'll admit--I bought the game because it looked sort of fun and, yes, because it had a sexy lady in it, but now, despite having enjoyed myself, I also can't help but be reminded of the futility of gaming in general as a pastime.

I suppose this had been revealed to me on account of the somewhat rote and dense nature of the quests structure in that particular game: so much running around from here to there, talking to characters (read listening to their dialogue lines), then going to another place on the map to beat up some enemies, solve a puzzle, or fetch something, then returning for no true tangible product, result, nor benefit.

I also suppose it had been through this game in particular that these concepts had become particularly noticeable or prominent since the usual type of game I play is more along the lines of a psychological or cerebral survival horror or narrative-dependent, perhaps even more linear type of game where the payoff, I suppose, is the emotion, insight, understanding, or even enjoyment of experience you walk away from them with. Stellar Blade, then, I suppose, feels more like a "video game" than those others which I guess one could say feel more like interactive experiences deliberately meant to progress the series of events in order to tell a story or submerge the player in an atmosphere.

This has caused me to wonder if I should derive this deep form of pleasure, enjoyment, fulfillment from a game of any sort in particular, but, per the current analysis, one such as Stellar Blade which, while rote-feeling at times, feels particularly well oriented to satisfy that problem-resolution desire with polished and flashy visuals and responsive controls as delightful, decorative bows on top.

It forces me to ask myself: shall I address these concerns as precisely that--concerns which ultimately ought to have some form of or plan to implement absolution or correction, no? Then, shall I consider my desire to sink lots of, let's say, 'fruitless' hours into flickering pixels on a screen in the solitude of my room to be the primary concern, or the fact that, despite desiring to tackle my credit score by paying down debt, that the desire to interact with, dress, and play as the attractively rendered female main character so easily coaxed me out of the $40 cost it took to play? I suppose if I'm being entirely fair (to whom? to myself?), I can truly say that I derived my money's worth out of the purchase as I have enjoyed playing the game, however, this introduces a new disparity with its entailed emotional and mental tension, as mentioned previously when considering whether or not it is a 'good' thing to piss hours away playing a video game, no matter how enjoyable it should be considered.